Aol's connection today is mf'ing slow! Geez! And I'm exhausted all of a sudden. I don't really know why tho.

I found out for sure from my boss that I will be doing the bathrooms like everyone told me already I was doing. He still says that things should only be temporary, but it's not definite, and I still think it might end up being permanent. Let's hope it's not permanent. I think I can handle this, but to have it be permanent....I dunno. At least someone told me what the fuck was going on. That was driving me insane, especially since everyone else was told what was going on, but my bosses were keeping me in the dark. Anyway, I will have to deal with that now. I already looked at the schedule that Jason made up, and I will still be doing the cafeteria, so I'm pretty happy about that anyway. It gives a break from those freakin bathrooms at least. Right now I'm all calm about this, but that might change from day to day. Who knows? I'm moody without all this kind of drama shit going on; it's even worse now. So we'll just have to wait and see.

Well, since I'm so freakin tired, I'm gonna get goin now. I have to go to the laundromat tonight or tomorrow, and it's lookin good for tomorrow. Altho I will have to wear shorts tomorrow if I wait til then, but that's only for one day, so I think I will survive. I'm just too damn tired to do anything more than is required tonight. Bleh.

Anyway, have a wonderful night guys!! I will be back tomorrow or Friday!! :oD

I know it's only been 5 days since I was on here last, but damn, does it feel longer! I had a very good weekend. ;o) I was so happy to be out of work, let me tell ya. And this coming weekend is a 3 day one!! Yay!!! If I didn't work for the cleaning company, I would have all next week off, cause they shut the plant down for that entire week, but that's when we're doing all the thorough cleaning, but at least I have an extra day to this weekend!! :oD

Anyway, I haven't heard any word about my job. I've been working with Roseann doing the bathrooms yesterday and today (most likely tomorrow too, and the rest of the week), and she hasn't said she knew about it (altho I really think she does, but was told not to say anything to me until the bosses outright told me), so I have no idea what is really going on. I think they're gonna have me working with her all this week, workin on extras, and then next week have me training her over in Lubin for my job. I just have that feeling about it, not to mention that's how they think.

I'm also kinda sad that I won't be doing some of the stuff I have been doing these past few months. I was all depressed and shit, I didn't realize most of the time while I was doing it that I actually didn't mind doing most of the bullshit work they gave me to do. I don't mind sweeping the stairs, and shit like that. I know I definately like it better than bathrooms. And it's also been a very weird week so far. Yesterday I shouldn't say anything about, since I was kinda mad all day, but today was very strange. People are in weird moods lately. They're probably stressing out about next week (the bosses, that is), and everyone else is probably just anxious to get outta there for a week. I don't blame them, either. I would be too. Anyway, it won't be the same after next week, I know for sure. Just when I really start to like my job, they have to fuck things up like that. There were certain things I really liked doing, and didn't mind it, but what was killing me these months has been the fact that I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know if it would be temporary still or if it would be permanent, no one was telling me anything, so I was just all mad and impatient, and feeling like everything is unfair. Which it is, but unless someone points it out, I don't think they'll realize how messed up this really is.

Maybe it is just "a blessing in disguise." I hope it is. If it isn't, then I really feel like it's just not worth it. :o/

I'm really gonna miss cleaning the cafeteria. I like it better over in Lubin, and that's outta the picture for me now, but this one's not that bad. It gets me away from Roseann for an hour when I'm forced to work with her. But if I am forced into the bathroom cleaning job, I won't be able to do that anymore.

Not to mention, it bothers me that they're gonna stick her, of all freakin people, with my job. She's bad enough at the bathrooms now, do they really think she can handle half the bathrooms, plus half of my old job?? It's not a difficult job, but if you're lazy-ass about it, then it's gonna seem to be more difficult when the supervisor starts bitching at you to do it better. I've never been told that, but I know Jason will have to yell at her a bit before she starts doing something right. She doesn't even do it now, and she's been doing the bathrooms for 2 years already.

I need a break from this. I need a break from these people. I've found myself already kinda being distant to Jason, when a few weeks ago, I thought I had a pretty cool supervisor. I think I've lost my respect for him, which is a hard thing to recieve in the first place, and I'm disappointed by his actions the past few days. I know it's not just him, that Mike probably has something to do with it, but if they keep fucking me around like this, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold in my true feelings about them. Through this whole thing, they haven't been as cold to me as they have these past 2 days. All of a sudden, they don't really even want to look at me. That's why I'm pretty damn sure that what Harvey told me about how I'm gonna do the bathrooms is true. I'm just disappointed by their lack of decency to tell me this. They know I've been waiting in limbo for these few months, and I know they've seen how upset I've been over it. Quite honestly tho, after all this time of knowing what they're gonna force me to do but yet not actually having been told this as a fact, I really don't know how I'll respond. Hopefully, not too bad. Not really in the mood to get fired even after all this.

Maybe I'm too sensitive to all this, and the general atomosphere of the place, but I haven't quite felt like things are okay in there. I just have a feeling I can't shake. It's driving me nuts, among many other things.

Oh, and someone was in trouble today...as I was walking out towards the guardhouse to sign out, there was an ambulance with lights flashing pulling up towards the main entrance to the fab. building. I hope whatever happened, that everyone's ok. Not something really serious anyway. Hmmmm....

I hope this feeling goes away. I know I'm a bit more peaceful and accepting, just cause I think I know what's going on enough that I can't do much to change it, I know after Friday, I have 3 whole days off of work, and I'm getting more settled in the apartment every day. (more on that later, or in an additional post) I've actually always been an accepting person. Maybe I'll be pissed initially, but if I can't do anything about it, I just deal with it. I do it too much sometimes. I guess in some ways I have given up, but I know eventually everything will work out for me. I hope.

Can ya tell I've been lonely these past two days?? I think this is the longest post I've written in months. Geez!

I just hope this feeling goes away. That, or I get happier. I need that right now. I need to be happy for this week, so if I do get taken away from something else I actually like doing, at least I enjoyed the last few days. And if I do end up training Roseann next week (god help me), I'm taking my camera in with me, and taking pics of the place. Maybe that will give me some closure, maybe it will just make me feel better knowing that I can at least see it on paper if I'm not allowed to go back there during a normal day. I know I can't get the outright closure I need, because that would involve me going over there and saying goodbye to everyone, and that's not gonna happen. And I think I would just start crying uncontrollably. Not exactly a way I want to be remembered.

And I should clarify something from last Thursday's post. I was always happy with Josh, and I sure I will always be happy with him. I was talking about the times I was away from him. We only shared that little bit of time together every day at school for less than a year, and then we spent day hours away from each other. After that happened, it was a hard school year for me. Probably one of my worst. And I made it through that. What I meant was all those days I spent without seeing him, and missing him so much, and then having to deal with the bullshit of school/work/whatever. I just never felt like I belonged except when I was with him, and since I wasn't always with him, it made it harder to deal with certain things. I've built up my confidence enough now that that really doesn't affect me the way it used to, and I still miss and think about him every day. That's something that will never stop for me. But those long days not seeing him, or just going to school and being so depressed, it was so hard. I guess I'm not as "dependent" on him (can't think of a better word right now), but that's because I've grown. Because of him, and a lot of soul-searching I did, I've grown a lot. And I was perfectly happy with things for awhile, and then I started this job. Originally a bathroom cleaner, which I didn't think was so terrible at the time. I still don't look at it as hell, but out of everything, it's definately the thing I want to do the least. And I don't want to do it permanently (as long as I work there) for sure. I don't think I can, since my left wrist (which I broke in 9th grade) was killing me after only a month of doing the bathrooms, and if this is permanent, I don't think it will hold up. The bosses never knew about it, cause by the time I really had to go to the doctor about it, I was offered my other job, the one I'm being torn apart from. It's like giving a child a toy that they've wanted for sooooooo long, and letting them play with it, telling them it's their's for as long as they want it, and then someone else who is jealous of them decides they don't want that kid to have that toy, and tell their parents to take it away from that child. The child tries to get it back, but seeing as how the adults took it away, the child can't fight for it, and the parents of that child won't do anything about it. I feel like a kid complaining about it, but that's how I feel. I've been wanting to actually feel included in something, which I felt there, and now it's gone. I don't feel it where I am now so much. There were bad times, but they were never that bad.

I think I better quit. If you made it through this, and actually are reading this, congratulations. I know it was hard, but worth the effort if you really wanted a piece of my soul for today.

~Quotes page~

~Quotes page~

I found out today that now my job is going to be cleaning the bathrooms in the fabrication building (the one I'm at now). And Roseann will be over in Lubin cleaning the bathrooms and my cores (break areas). Fucking hell. I don't know what exactly will happen, and the fact that things may change by Monday keeps me from completely flipping out, but everyone was told this except me. I think they're scared I will quit on them. But I don't think that anyone, when finding this out, will really just "let it go," because my dad is already pissed, and was just waiting for the word that this might be permanent to go talk to this woman that's the head boss there. She might not even know about this whole thing at all. So, he wanted to go talk to her, altho I'm not supposed to know this, and find out if she would resolve this stupid problem.

And, I found out just about everyone in the Lubin building already freakin knows about why I'm in the other building; they just don't know the specifics. They know it has to do with that certain person. Hell, they were telling Harvey that the asshole shoulda been fired years ago, but never was. I dunno. I just don't know if I have a chance here or not, but at least I'm not as depressed about it as I was yesterday. I'm sorry I got all emotional on ya, but it was killing me. I had no one to talk to about it, and I couldn't keep it in anymore.

I just don't know what to say or think about this anymore. I'm so sick of it, I know I should just quit and say "Fuck 'em" but something tells me to hold on. I dunno, maybe I'm gonna have to be the one to get the asshole outta there. This kinda shit has happened before with him, but apparently his immediate bosses think he's so damn indispensible. Which is shit. Absolute shit. But if I have to deal with this, and just be patient, I think that's my only option right now. Like I said, it might change before next week. Or it might still just be temporary, who knows? I don't really believe that's the intention; I think they're gonna force me into this shit, and it'll end up being permanent.

If this does happen, and people start complaining, maybe I might have a chance, but since no one has so far, why should I count on that? I know my dad was just waiting to see what was up, and I understand that, but I don't think, even if those people in Lubin really care about me, that they'll be able to do anything about it.

I think I should just enjoy my weekend, and not think about it, and just try to be patient, no matter how I just wanna go over to that building and punch the fucker in the face right now. Well, not literally now, since I'm not at work anymore, but when I'm at work. I nearly did it right as I was leaving, but I knew that wouldn't look good on my end. And I'm not a violent person, so saying this is really saying how much I hate this person now.

No job is worth this much hassle, I know, but something inside me tells me to stick it out. I dunno what it is, or why I even am listening to it, but I am, and I will for the moment. I just have this feeling like something's gonna happen in my favor very soon.

Well, let's just be hopeful about this anyway. Even if I'm setting myself up for more disappointment. :o/

~Quotes page is updated.~

My hunny's birthday is tomorrow. As luck would have it, I won't see him tomorrow, so I'm not too thrilled about that. I still haven't gotten him anything, because I have no ideas. I'm completely lost on this topic. I usually have an idea in mind, but I've been so stressed lately, I haven't had any time to think about anything, this included. I have to figure out what he would like. When I ask him, he just says, "I dunno." Real big help there, ya know? So, anyway, I have to think of something tonight.

Gah! I just don't know!!! I'm sure if I go shopping I will find something tho. I'm actually pretty good at that. But I'm afraid I will end up buying myself something too. Not that that is so terrible, but I'm shopping for Josh, not me! Oh well. I will find something by Saturday. I'm sure of it.

I feel so depressed now. I've kinda been on the verge of this depression for months now, and it all has to do with my job. Today just happened to be one of the days when it hit me real hard, and I felt like crying half the damn day. Sigh.

I know I mentioned before that I was working with Roseann for awhile, and I mentioned that I wasn't doing my regular job on here before. Well, I haven't been doing my regular job for all this time, and it looks like I may not get it back. I can't really explain everything, but there's nothing that can be done about it. I have no control over the situation, and I'm the one to get shit on in this circumstance when it really shouldn't be me that should be taking it all, but it's because I'm a contracted employee, and that seems to make it alright to these people.

So, I have been pretty miserable these past few months, altho I've tried my hardest to make the most of it. There are just certain days that kill me, and today was one of those days. Usually when I see the people I was close to from the other building walking around in the building I'm in now, it hurts. It doesn't matter who it is; I just get all upset most of the time. Altho, if it's someone I really miss talking to, it's ten times as hard. I just talked to this one guy, Randy, who was one of my buddies from the other side, and I was so excited to see him, but after we walked away, I nearly started bawling (and no, I'm not pms'ing). The thing is, I'm not allowed to go to the other building, and I can't talk about it too much, or let too many details slip about it all to those people that are asking, many of which are the few who I've seen since I've been in this building, or I may very well get fired. I already did actually start crying and couldn't stop in front of one of the supervisors I always really liked from the other building. And I couldn't explain myself. I hate it so much. The sad thing is that I want to fight, to just say, "Fuck this, I'm telling everyone," and maybe fight for my job, but since I have the apartment, and I've needed this apartment for awhile, I've been too afraid to since I need the job to pay for the apartment. I don't have any kind of leverage anyway, except maybe that most of the people over there miss me, and I think they might be able to do something about it, but there is that chance of being fired that keeps me from doing anything about it.

That supervisor I mentioned told me that maybe I should start looking for another job, but I need to make sure that I won't get this one back. I'm always optimistic about stuff, even when I am all depressed, and I never really give up hope, so there is this glimmer of hope and faith that it will all work out, but it's days like these that I just wanna quit. It's taken so much of me, I just don't know anymore.

The thing about the job is that it was the first time in my life when I was truly happy. Sure, I needed to get an apartment, my sis and bro in law were pissing me off, and other dramas were going on, but in that job, I actually was accepted, or rather, felt accepted by everyone. I finally felt like people actually liked me, and didn't hate me, or think I was a bitch, or whatever. I've never had that in my entire life. I was never accepted, and I never knew what it felt like to actually be missed if I wasn't there. Now I know. It's nice that I knew it for awhile, and I know that I'm missed, but that's part of what kills me the most about it now. Everyone (or, practically everyone) I know wants me back, and if I could, I would go back in an instant. But I can't. I don't know if it's possible that I will go back. I have that hope, but the more time passes, the more I get dissapointed, and depressed, and feeling helpless...and they took away that feeling of freedom as well. I'm also not allowed to even go into the building. Well, they told me I could go over to there, just not in the one part, but what the fuck is the point of it if I can't go to one of the departments that I have a lot of work buddies in?! So I just say I can't go over there. There isn't any point in torturing myself.

The thing is, is that the only reason I'm not allowed into that part, is because a certain person is upset, and their bosses think it would be a bad idea if this person would see me...it would bother them too much. It would depress them. Same fucking thing I have to deal with every day now. Except, it's not just one person for me, no, it's everyone that I associate with that building. Even the one guy, Harvey, who works for the company I do that only works in the Lubin building, whenever I see him, it cuts me deep inside.

Another thing is, this person can't be moved because of the seniority system they have set up at that place, altho I know it's possible to change that person's job if they really cared enough to do so. And I think there are other reasons for this person not being able to be moved instead of me, other than that one and that I'm contracted. I think there's something in this person's past with the company he works for that made it necessary for them to be moved to that building and job, and they aren't allowed to work in this other building. I don't know that for a complete fact, but things add up to that conclusion.

I'm supposed to be mature about this, but the whole damn thing is worse than freakin elementary school. So this person says it would bother them too much to see me every day, and cries about it....I don't know what I would do if I actually saw this person. I may punch them, and say, "Grow the fuck up!" And get fired. But then I might feel it was worth it if I got fired for that reason.

I guess sitting here whining about it isn't exactly being mature either, but I've had it all pent up, and I knew it would come out on here eventually. I just think that if I do have to stay in this position permanently, I may very well decide to let it slip anyway, and see what happens. I think by then I just might not care so much.

It is sad I'm so upset over my job, but I really liked it. I felt happy to do stuff for these people. I was always so proud to work there in that building. I dunno why, I just did. There was never a dull moment, and I was on my own, and everyone told me I did a good job...I just felt appreciated. People tell me that now, but it just isn't the same. Dammit. I am too fucking emotional! It's a freakin job Melissa!!

If only I could get over it. I think part of the reason why I'm not is because it's been dragging out way too long, and there isn't any kind of conclusion yet. I'm trying to be happy and to deal with it. It's just hard as hell on a day like today.

New post to my quotes page.

No, not really. I actually hate this whole process. Who decided that moving should suck so much?? I thought it wasn't a big deal, that I could handle it...but I am so behind on everything, it's not even freakin funny! I did some laundry yesterday, and the day before, and all the clothes are still folded up laying in a mass pile in the basket. I tried to put them away last night, but it just wasn't happening, what with the cleaning and all.

Oh, and my boyfriend is just so fucking wonderful!!! He was actually cleaning last night! Not just regular sweeping or something, but actually scrubbing the freakinoven and refrigerator! I knew he was great before this, but that was just such a nice surprise, and just added to my list of great things he does. I love you, hunny! :o)

Well, I have to get goin now. I have to go clean and unpack some more. Yay. ::rolls eyes::

Did I mention how much I love my Joshie?? ;o)

Have a great night!!

We actually have the apartment now. We signed the lease last night. We didn't get to meet the actual landlord because this woman that owns the building is really old, the realtor told us, so Josh and me think we probably won't ever really meet her. Oh well. Anyway, the realtor forgot to mention on Tuesday night to call the electric company a few days ahead of time to get the electric on. So, we won't have it turned on til Monday, since they won't do it over the weekend. I knew I would have to call them and everything, but if I knew they would want 3 business days notice to turn the damn electric on, I woulda called on Wednesday or something. Dammit. So this screws things up a bit. I think I'm just gonna sleep there tonight, since tomorrow's Sunday, it won't matter having an alarm or anything (altho I always set my alarm-even on weekends), and I can still take my shower here tonight and tomorrow (will not shower in the dark--too weird, and I would probably hurt myself). So. After all this excitement on being able to get away from this house, at least sleeping wise, I still can't! Gah! Well, my cell phone has an alarm clock on it if I need it, plus I suppose I can get a little travel alarm clock, and then on Monday, just get dressed, brush my teeth, and do the rest of my stuff at work. I think it would work. Honestly, I wouldn't see why it wouldn't work. It would only be for one morning, and the electric company emailed me back this morning saying it would be turned on on the day I requested (I technically requested today, but they wouldn't accept the form for any day before the 21st. Bastards). At least we're clear on that.

Anyway, I'm tired now, but I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. I hate that. It was actually all quiet for a change here--usually the damn kids are already running around at that time on the weekends for some reason--but I couldn't sleep. I know some of it is excitement, but if I did wake up cause I was used to all the noise....well, I think I'm gonna have to get used to it again. It's been a few months since I was able to sleep til 8 am and not be hearing all kinds of noise before then. And dammit, I went to bed at 1 am, so I know this is gonna catch up with me by the end of the day.

I think this electricity thing really got me all upset, and now I can't get rid of that disappointed feeling. And I was soooo excited yesterday about it, too. Now, I'm just tired, and I still have to pack up some shit, and I dunno what we're doing yet really....Okay, deep breath. This might just be a morning mood, and once we actually get there, start getting shit in, and taking pics (yes, I'm taking pics; I bought a disposable camera for Hershey, and only took about 3-4 pics, so that will be used up today ;o) ), I think I will be better. I just need to get started here.

I'm off to do some laundry, and more freakin packing. Hopefully I will be back all happy tomorrow afternoon, or Monday to report about it all. I will be back here at the house to take a shower tomorrow night, so it's likely I will report to ya then. Have a beautiful Saturday!!!

~Oh, and I will be going to a yard sale or two today, and for some reason I enjoy them a lot, so that might cheer me up as well~

We're signing the lease today!!

Need I say that today is going to be one loooooooonng day today?

I think not.

WE GOT THE APARTMENT!!!!

Okay, sorry, couldn't contain myself there. I'm just so happy!! :oD I was waiting for this phone call from the realtor, and I finally got it tonight. We're signing the lease on Friday, and she said they still have to do a walk-thru, so I'm not sure about moving this weekend, but very very soon. I'm so happy. I just have to get my ass packing. I already started a little bit, but I'm not very far, and I think I should get off here now. In a minute, anyway.

In other news, gas prices went down a bit, so I only paid $40 for gas tonight!! Another great thing that happened tonight. :o)

I don't know if anyone can take this smile off my face, at least not tonight. Maybe tomorrow when I get to work, but for tonight, I'm all smiley.

Heh, now that I think about it, I don't think I will be able to stop smiling at work. Hell, one of the guys nicknamed me 'smiley.' I know, it's corny, but if I already smile so much, I don't know that I'll be able to stop at all. Oh man. I can tell what kind of day tomorrow will be like already.... :o)

:oP I'm posting today!! Sorry to those of you who were actually looking forward to punishing me.

Anyway, Saturday I went to Hersheypark for my work picnic, and it was a lot of fun!! I took my buddy Crystal, who has her own blog right here, and we really did have a great time. After waiting for my mom to finally get done getting ready in the morning, we drove the 2 hours required to get there, and finally made it in around noon. We all wanted to leave earlier, but like I said, we were waiting for my mom, so we didn't leave at the time that woulda been best. It was sooooo packed that day, and after lunch, which was free at the picnic grove Knoll had reserved for everyone I work with and their families/guests, me and Crystal headed off to the newest rollercoaster (the freakin name has slipped my mind at the moment, dammit), and waited an hour just to get on it. Let me tell ya, it just completely took my breath away, it was that good. Most rollercoasters at that park don't do that too often for me anymore, since I've been there sooo many times, but that was the greatest!! Unless, of course, you don't like rollercoasters.

Anyway, after all that, we went on only a few rides due to the extremely long lines, but we still had a lot of fun. I did a lot of shopping, and spent a lot of money (couldn't leave without the fudge!!!! Mmmmm...fudge...), but it was worth it. Towards the end of the day, before the park closed, me and Crystal decided to head out to the van and wait for the rest of 'em, but as we were walking towards the parking lot, I heard music that I recognized, and I said, "Wait!! Stop!" She was giving me weird looks at this point, but stopped, and heard it too. We realized Fleetwood Mac was playing in the Hersheypark stadium (which was located next to Chocolate World)! So, we proceeded to lay out a towel in the one grassy spot we saw, and sat there and listened to them play. That was perfect. I really wished I coulda gone, and had an opportunity to at one point but couldn't take that opportunity, so this made up for it. I was very happy about that. :oD

Anyway, that was about it. It might not sound like it was all that great, but I was happy to spend the day there and got to ride a few rides. I was very content with that, and Fleetwood Mac was a good end to the day.

I can tell I'm growing up. I actually wasn't all pissed because I couldn't go on every ride there! Dunno if I should be happy or sad about that.

I must go back to work so I can unlock the van for my dad. He locked his keys in it, so he just asked if I could unlock it later, so that I must do. And I need to get gas, and a few other things, so I'm off. Have a wonderful night!!! :o)

I haven't posted in forever!! Geez, I've been pretty busy during these past few weeknights that I haven't had much time to do any blogging. And I won't be able to tell you much about Hersheypark, which I spent this Saturday at for my work picnic, so you'll just have to wait til tomorrow for that bit of news.

Anyway, it was a very good weekend, and I feel better than I did last week. So much better.

But then, I'm not PMS'ing this week. 'Nuff said right there.

I will post tomorrow, I promise. And if I don't, you have permission to punish me. Can't think of anything creative, so I leave that up to you to decide what that punishment might be. I may regret saying that. Of course, that just gives me more motivation to make sure I post tomorrow.

Alrighty, have a beautiful night ladies and gents!! :oD

Well, my apartment hunt is doing a lot better than last reported. So far, I have actually applied at one place, and will probably be applying at another place tomorrow night. I already looked at this place, and have the application, but my hunny wants to look at it, so that's what's going to happen first.

I started packing a few things already, like some dishes I never used, but was given them about a year ago, and I finally put them in boxes, plus some extra crap I basically had lying around here taking up space. I need to get into my room at my house and clean it up, throw stuff out, etc. There's some stuff I really don't want to throw or give away, but there won't be any room to just store it somewhere in the apartment either. Well, if I get one of these two. Maybe I can find something a bit bigger. Who knows?? Anyway, I need to do that a lot tonight, and I will probably do that all week. I just had a stressful day at work, so I'm really not in the mood to do this, but if I wanna move out any time soon, I have to at least get started more so than I am now.

Sorry if I'm boring today...I was more in the mood to write last night, but had no time, and tonight, when I actually have time, I'm not so much in the mood. And I would also like to apologize for the days that my blog was not up due to Mel's moving to a different host. It seems to be doing okay now anyway, so all is fine. Except I just realized all my smilies are gone. Damn.

Oh well. After today, I'm just glad I'm home. Have a wonderful night, guys and gals!! :oD

Good god, I don't think I will be able to find an apartment that is in my "budget" the way things are going. The cheapest one I found in the paper and called about is too high, according to the dude, who I assume is the landlord dude. We were talking about making an appt, which is fine, but then he asked how much I made an hour, week, or month (whichever I could give), and based on what I told him I made an hour, he said I wouldn't qualify. I know I should be able to pay the month's rent with one week's paycheck, but if that was the case, that means there is absolutely no chance of moving into an apartment. Period. I am poor, I don't make much money, and that doesn't bother me so much at the moment. But I do know that that apartment I definately could have paid for with 2 weeks' pay, and I am not that irresponsible with my money. I put at least $150-$200 in one of my accounts each week. I'm just getting so disgusted with this apartment shit right now....I don't even know what to say. I was pissed when that dude said that to me, and won't even consider me to just look at the damn thing, but I kinda understand why he did that as well. I'd find another job, but to do that at the same time I go apartment shopping isn't very smart. This sucks major ass right now. All I know is I have a month to find something I can afford, and if I don't I guess I will just live in a box or something. Goddamn. I have too much stuff to live in a box, so I guess that idea's out.

I just can't win, apparently.