Bleh. I'm just so tired from work today...I don't think I'll be able to stay awake tonight. Oh well. I think the last time I successfully did that was once after about 6 months of just falling asleep at around 9-10ish anyway. It won't be any surprise.

My sis seems to think that deleting a shortcut off of the desktop will not allow the program to run right on the computer. It's hilarius, really it is, when you're related to people that stupid. Honestly. *rolls eyes* She left me a note saying "Please do not take anymore icons off of the computer they are needed for the running of the comp. when the icons are deleted so are the programs." The funny thing is, if that were really the truth, wouldn't the computer gotten all fucked up on me when I was using it after I already deleted it?? Moron.

Ok, I gotta run to the spca to get a ride back to my apartment. I may have my car by the next time I get on here!!! :o) The front end will be light blue, but at least it'll only be 2 different colors instead of 5, so I'm not complaining. It's my own fault anyway. Alrighty, have a wonderful weekend guys!!! :oD

It's still raining. And now I'm waiting for my mom and sis to get home so I can drop off the car and go eat dinner (have called twice actually with no luck), but neither situation seems to be going well for me. I'm tired of reading blogs and shit, and honestly I'm getting bored. I dunno what happened to me...I used to be able to spend hours online and not get bored. Part of it is probably because I'm spoiled now with the high speed internet, so everything takes an incredibly short time to do (other than my actual reading, which sometimes takes awhile, as in re-reading a sentence 3 or 4 times cause I just didn't understand what the hell I was reading, when I'm as tired as I am tonight). But otherwise, I just ran out of stuff to do. Hmmm...

I wanted to go the grocery store. I wanted to get more food for the apartment so I could feed my wonderful boyfriend good food. I wanted to get the Shake 'N Bake that could not be found on Sunday because of the store's odd placing off said item above the bread, dammit.

But no. It had to start pouring. And by pouring, I mean pouring. Soaking wet within a couple of minutes of walking through it. Which means there will be no grocery shopping. Sigh.

At least I remembered my umbrella. Pouring rain and white shirts (completely thoughtless idea made earlier) do not mix.

*And as a side note, I feel a hell of a lot better than I did on Friday at the time of that post because of my Joshie, and our wonderful 2 days. Yes, it was a great weekend, and it's been the thing that got me through these past 2 days. Not to mention I finally have the living room cleared out completely so that there are no more boxes or anything in that one corner. :o)

If anyone knows the whereabouts of happy Melissa, please let me know, cause I can't seem to find her. She's hiding from me. She emerges around other people she interacts with, cause she doesn't want anyone to see the bit that's left over; the girl who can't seem to really feel like she belongs, the girl who already doesn't have anyone to talk to and can't find the time to say more than hi to anyone lately, the girl who is so annoyed that she has to put up with so much crap and isn't allowed to complain about it, the girl who wants to just cry with frustration when she can't get her work done on time (can't even find the time to take a potty break more than once) and hasn't had a full break since she started this job....the girl who is on the verge of being so depressed that she can't pull herself out of it, even with the greatest boyfriend there is supporting her through all of her shitty moods. It's becoming even more of a struggle to emerge from that state lately. She's not sure she's strong enough to keep fighting it.

So, if anyone can tell me how to get the happy Melissa back, I'd be very grateful. Honestly, I need her right now. :*(

I know I said I'd post yesterday, but honestly, I didn't have time, nor did I really feel like it. I have to make this short cause I have to leave here in a few minutes, but I thought I'd blog quick.

Anyway, just as an update, I still haven't heard anything new about the job lately. Other than my boss, Mike, called our human resources again and talked to someone new about it, and she was supposed to call Knoll's and find out everything and get an answer once and for all (this was told to me all last week), but Jason just told me that she's on vacation this week. So I'm still in the dark about this. And I talked to a bunch of people from the other building today about it, and they all agree that I shouldn't be the one getting punished for this...and that's what I think, but I can't do anything more about it. I need to know what's going on tho. It's still driving me nuts.

Otherwise, I have no news at the moment. I'm finally getting the one corner of the living room cleared out, and bringing the very last remains of all my crap that was left in my old room at my parents' house and putting that away. So I feel like I've accomplished something at least. My time online has dwindled because of it, but I think it's only a temporary thing right now, and probably by next week, I should be done with spending so much time doing that crap.

Anyway, have a wonderful day tomorrow! And I will (hopfully) be back tomorrow night at some point, so look forward to a post! :oD

Okay, my bro in law did install Comcast high speed internet, and now everything goes so much freakin faster! I like it, but I have to go back to every page and re-save it again, since I didn't have a chance to save it to cd, as you can read below (for the reason why I gave up saving shit for that night.

Anyway, I do have to apologize to everyone for being so depressed and unhappy here for awhile. I've tried to get happy, even if just to pretend, and it works for maybe a day, but it keeps coming back. And this past 2 weeks have sucked a million times worse than I could have expected, so it's been hard to muster up the energy just to be happy ol' Melissa. So, I just wanted to get that out of the way. I feel calm now, and because I have to be dropping the van off at home since my car is still not fixed (for lack of parts), I will be on later than normal, like around 5 or 6-ish. And I'm still waiting for my mom to call and tell me she's home. Something tells me I shoulda taken my shower before I got here. Oh well. I'll just have to remember this for tomorrow night.

I might be back to write a better post tonight. If not tonight, I will be back tomorrow night, so look forward to another one soon!! Anyway, have a great night, and hopefully I will have some news to write about by tomorrow. Bub bye!! :oD

I just did something stupid, and now all the stuff I had saved onto cd that isn't on the computer anymore is gone. Completely. The cd isn't usable, and now there is nothing left on it that this computer can read. I swear, this is probably one of the worst weeks/months I've ever had, and I just want to scream!!! Not everything is completely terrible, but this just really sucks. I lost all of Josh's stuff he ever sent me, all my pics I had saved, everything. I just wanna cry. One thing after the other, and all of it caused because I'm a fucking dumbass. And it doesn't help when everyone just got home and I'm getting a headache from holding it in. And now I have to get off quick so they can use the phone. I think I'm gonna explode.

Wow, do I have a lot to tell you guys about!

First of all, remember how I told you about my bro in law downloading aol again? Well, I think he screwed up, or realized there was too much crap on the comp, but he decided last week to "crash" the computer again. The fifth fucking time in a year. Gah! I didn't have my list of links on Internet Explorer saved, so I lost all of them. Anyway, I didn't have the time or patience Friday morning to try and get them back, and I had to email Mel to get to the sign in page for mt. So I was definately not a happy camper that morning. Friday night wasn't all that terrible, but Friday morning was not so well.

So, that's the first thing I had to write about. The second, which is even bigger, sucks even worse. On Saturday morning at around 11-ish, I headed out to the library since I had those overdue books I wasn't able to get renewed all week last week. I was in my car about 2-3 blocks away from it when I rear-ended a freakin truck, and so my car's front end is hurtin a bit. The truck's bumper lined right up with my grill, and went right above my front bumper, so everything above it is smashed in. It coulda been worse, like if I had a smaller newer car, I probably would have to replace the entire engine and shit, but my car is big and old, and everything was only pushed into the radiator, so it definately coulda been worse. I wasn't going really fast or anything, I just was in a line of cars, and we started moving forward, and I glanced to the right at something (I don't even remember), and looked forward again after a second and the truck in front of my had stopped completely. I stood on the brakes, which locked up and made one hell of a lot of noise, so everyone was watching this happen (of course, knowing my luck), and just hit him. I knew my car was damaged, cause there was no hood ornament anymore, and I could see the hood was bent. I just started swearing to myself, and pulled into the hotel parking lot. Being surprisingly calm, I talked to the guy, and he's just like, "It's my work truck, I don't care, you didn't do any damage to my truck, so I'm not gonna call the cops or anything..." so that was nice of him. I called Josh, and I was all calm sounding to him, and I just lost all that calmness by the time I talked to my dad. I was upset and pissed at myself, and that's why I was so damned upset. Anyway, I now have to get a ride in the morning to work, and drive the van home at night, and get it to my parents' house before 8 every night this week, and maybe 2 or 3 days of next week. That's not so terrible, but damn! I am not used to driving that thing anymore! Not to mention, it's raining like there's no tomorrow outside, so that makes it all the more fun. Heh. Oh, and even tho I really didn't wanna go past the hotel today, I had to go the library and renew those books, so I finally took care of that.

Other than that, the weekend was very good; it was just a hell of a way to start the weekend, ya know? It was just all yucky rainy today. And today was the first day of my new schedule of bathroom cleaning, so that wasn't all that exciting. Now I'm really tired, and I just want this week over with so I can get my car back. :o(

Yeah so I know this post was far from really happy, and I tried to convey happiness in my writing, but the subject made it hard to get that across. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope I will be a bit more energetic too.

Anyway, have a wonderful night, and I will be back tomorrow!! :o)

Wow. This week is already so freakin weird! This whole morning has brought back so many memories of last year when I didn't have a full time job, and had all day to myself....I was listening to the radio, and heard Preston and Steve on Y100, and it brought back so many memories from last summer. And just being here at my Grandmother's house at this time of the day, with no one else here....and when I had to work second shift last year to train with Roseann, I had to come online before I started work, and it felt just like this. With the exception of not talking to Sean, it's all too similar. It's a good feeling, but yet...I dunno. I dunno why it bothers me. I guess it's just showing me how much has changed, and how much I've changed, and I think it makes me want to go back. Back to when it was so much simpler, back to when I could enjoy my day according to my terms, and not have to suffer through work so much. I hate that. The only thing that kept me working at Knoll's for this freakin long was that I enjoyed my job enough and the people were fun to work with.

Ah well. I was just re-reading a post of mine I made back at the end of September last year, and it made me realize that I don't blog like I used to. No wonder everyone practically stopped coming here to read what I've written. Heh. I think it's because I complain about the job a lot lately, haven't always had the heart to write when I was feeling so shitty, haven't been conveying the fact that I am happy most of the time, just apparently not when I'm blogging anymore...and the list goes on. A lot has changed. I think I will try to get back to posting less sporadically, and trying not be such a complainer. Now, I didn't say I wasn't going to bitch, but I just won't do it as much. :oP

Ah, now I got online today, and apparently my bro-in-law has downloaded Aol 9.0 Optimized. Gah. I don't know why they even try. It's not any better, and I only see about 3 differences. Honestly. AOL is just trying to "polish a turd" (Josh's words). O well. If it gets me online, why am I complaining in the first place??

I do have to run by the library very soon, so I have to cut this short so I can finish reading email and blogs, so I will be back tomorrow (or at least hope to be!). Have a superb day!! :oD

Well, this week is going to be one of those weird weeks for me. I have to work 12 noon to 8:30 today thru Friday. At least it's only for 4 days, but still. My sleeping will be all kinds of fucked up for next Monday.

But I'm not gonna complain one bit about it, cause I get a reprieve from my normal wake-up call at 4:30 am. :o) It is very nice to be able to wake up like it's the weekend, even tho while I do the shit that needs to be done I keep thinking about work, but it ain't all bad now. I won't get to see Josh much until Friday or Saturday, if I see him at all, but that's only a few days, and I can still talk to him on the phone.

Anyway, must go back home to get ready for work....Have a wonderful day!! :oD